


Wally's Hair Gel

by Midnight On Saturn (Austyn_Layne)



Category: Leave It to Beaver
Genre: 1950s, Absurd, Comedy, Gen, Innuendo, Nihilism, Nonsense, Ridiculous, Stupidity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 05:03:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18771754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Austyn_Layne/pseuds/Midnight%20On%20Saturn
Summary: What's all this talk about cake and hair gel in the Cleaver household?





	Wally's Hair Gel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TalesFromTheWord](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalesFromTheWord/gifts).



Every morning my goofy little brother tags along with me into the bathroom. it's getting kind of annoying; I know when I get up in a moment, it's going to start all over again like a broken record.

"Morning Wally! going to brush your teeth?" Beaver asked as he wiped the sleep from his eyes.

Whatever doof! now, I gotta get ready for school - don't be hoggin' up all the counter-space!" I shouted, knowing he was going to be slick and ask me for my hair gel; the hair gel all the goofy girls are going nuts over. I said to Beaver.So here we are at the sink brushing our teeth with Stripe toothpaste, when the little twerp asked the stupid question.

"Hey Wally! Do you mind if use some of your gel? I mean, I only wanna use a little...promise." Beaver asked with puppy dog eyes while doing the 'Scouts Honor' sign.

Ok, just a little. I grunted, as I gave him possession of my fancy bottle. It took the little runt a while before he started to work some out. It's almost like he'd never used any before - he was sure goin' at it though.

"So Wally, do you think I'll be the 'cats pajamas' in class if I use enough of this stuff? it's takin' forever to come out."

Look here Poindexter, would you just hurry up and squeeze some out?! I don't have all day spazz! I swear to god Beave, if you break my bottle, you're mowing the grass for two weeks! Got it?!

"Yeah sure thing Wally! I think somes coming out! I can see it, it looks like a blob!"

Finally the doof got some gel and put it in his goofy hair. I guess he's trying to make play with some silly chicks or sumthin'. I couldn't believe his face when it spurted out. it was like he struck gold or some stupid stuff.

We go downstairs and find our breakfast on the table. Eggs and bacon again. Jeeze! you think mom would at least try to cook like sausages or grits.

"Hey Wally, it looks like you've been letting the Beave use your prized hair gel again. How about you and I head up to the bathroom and you can let me use a little?" Ward said, as he folded up the financial section of the paper.

I couldn't believe this, now my own dad's wantin' some of my gel! this blows!

"Now Ward, don't make Wally late for class - and don't you come back downstairs looking like Elvis or one of those creepy Greasers."

"Don't worry dear, this is mans business - Right Beaver?" Ward said while looking Beaver in the eyes.

"Right dad!" Beaver said with a doofy grin.

"Hey Beave, so is Wally's hair gel that good?" June asked with a big smile.

"Gee mom, I thinks so. Prolly a lot better than that 'Helene Curtis Shampoo with Egg' junk you put in your hair mom. Just foolin'." Beaver joked, as he grabbed his Lone Ranger lunchbox.

"I know you were hunny - now run along. Your brother will be right down. Have fun at school dear.

"Alright mom. You know, it's funny, how come you girls don't stink like us guys?" Beaver questioned as he opened the door.

"Well dear, it's because we use Stopette Underarm Deodorant. Now run along, and quit asking goofy questions."

"Ok mom, just askin', bye."

XXXXXX

Well here I am, I know I'm gunna be late for class, because my old man wants to skim some of my prized gel. I really don't wanna, but who am I to say no? unlike my buddy Eddie who walks on his old man like a welcome mat.

"Wally is there any left? It looks like the Beave done tapped you out."

I'm gonna kill the little twerp if he used all my stuff! I mean the other night, I caught him eating my cake. And the worst thing dad, is that he leaves junk all over my sheets when he's done. He's like a total slob. wiping his grubby fingers on the bed, like he ain't got no class and stuff.

"Well son, you shouldn't be leaving your cake out where the Beave can find it. It's pretty tempting for a boy his age. It should teach you a lesson. Anyway, it wouldn't be so bad if every now and then you shared your cake with Beaver, it would be quite brotherly of you."

Jeeze dad, do you have to lay it on so thick? And I don't think you're going to get much out of the bottle. The Beave pretty much put me on empty.

"Now Wally, if there's one thing your 'old man' knows, it's how to get the last penny's worth out of something - it's called 'good economics'."

I swear, it looks like he's going break my bottle. He keeps hitting and shaking it like a madman. But before I knew it, dad shook some gel out of bottle. That's pretty tops in my book.

"See son, what did I tell you? And it looks like a pretty sizeable amount. I guess our Beave didn't wipe you out like you thought."

Wow dad! I can't believe your just fingering it your hair like that! it's startin' to look pretty good old timer. Don't let mom catch you looking like a silver fox down at the office. She'll think you're trying to get fresh with the secretaries and stuff. You better watch it dad, the Feds will be puttin' your name in one of those weird UNIVAC thing-a-ma-jigs as 'public enemy number one'.

I can see it already, all the hens clucking about the new cock-of-the-walk, fumbling up stuff on their typewriters and junk. I tell ya dad, women, I jus don't get em.

"Alright Wally, enough of that talk. This is just between us. Now run along. Your 'old man' doesn't need any help in the hen-house department. There's no shame in my strut - and don't think, I'm going to have to depend on your 'gel' to keep it."

XXXXXX

I'll see you later mom! Dad should be coming down in a sec. And by the way, you're lookin' pretty good this morning.

"Oh sweetheart, you're making me blush. Oh, hunny, maybe one day you'll let me in on this secret with this 'hair gel' you boys seem to be whispering about." June said with a smile as she sipped her coffee.

Jeeze mom, it's secret guy stuff. Girls like you don't need to know. Anyway you don't need special gel, you're pretty just the way you are.

"Alright dear. But I'm serious, we're going to discuss this 'secret gel' when you get home. I want to find out what all the jazz is about."

Girls are crazy! I don't know why us guys put up with you. love you, bye.

"Oh and hunny, I know about the late night cake escapades - remember, I just love vanilla frosting...alright?" June said with a sly smirk and a wink.

Alright, I guess? I'll save you a slice next time. Just don't go blabbin' it to dad and the little spazz.

"Ok dear, now run along. I'll be saving my appetite just for that special slice of cake."

Wow! first my goofy brother, now my mom and dad. Soon I won't have any hair gel or cake left. I swear, when I see Beave again I'm going to have to give him the 'old one two'; and let's see how he likes it when I tell em he's not getting any more of my sweet, moist, cake when he wants a late night snack. That'll teach the little creep.

XXXXXX

Meanwhile back in the kitchen, Ward comes back to the table and starts to chat with June.

"So dear, how do you like it?" June ask as she put a dish in the sink.

"Well dear, surprisingly, I think i could get used to a little dab of Wally's Dippity-Do. I can see why the Beave likes it so much. And what's all this fuss about Wally leaving his cake out up in his room at night? He knows if he leaves it out, it's just going to tempt the boy." Ward said as he opened up the sports section after lighting a unfiltered Pall Mall.

"You know dear, I've been pretty tempted by his cake myself. Maybe one night, we could all enjoy it as a family?" June said as she sipped her Nescafe coffee.

"For one thing June, that friend Eddie of his is becoming a bad influence. Late night cake, everyone putting Wally's gel in their hair. It's madness I tell you." Ward said with a gruff look on his face as he shook his paper.

"Well dear, last night, you were a little hard on the Beaver. And sometimes, a little madness isn't so bad." June said as she pat Ward on his hand.

"I guess you have a point dear. Maybe all this 'stuff' going on is what we need to light a fire in this den of monotony." Ward said with a devious grin.

"Ward, I think we're all on the same page. See you when you get home from the office dear."

THE END


End file.
